When asked about his strategy for his re-election campaign, President Barack Obama responded,
"We may just run clips of the Republican debates verbatim"
OH MY GOD THAT'S AWESOME!! Definitely my favorite quote of the year so far.
Thursday, November 17, 2011
Wednesday, October 12, 2011
Shakespeare Rant
Today in my English class we started reading the play "Macbeth" by William Shakespeare. This play is supposedly a classic, and one of the best pieces of literature of all time. Well, yeah, it probably would be, if it made any fucking sense whatsoever. I do not understand how English teachers expect all tenth-graders, including the ones in NON-ADVANCED, NORMAL CLASSES to be able to piece their way through over two hundred pages of Shakespearean bullshit. I'm not trying to say that Shakespeare was a bad playwright; I'm just saying that classical poetry is a lot different from classical music - Today, J.S. Bach's music is still good, and people can still easily appreciate it. People can't easily appreciate Shakespeare anymore. People can't even understand Shakespeare anymore. The English dialect he uses in his plays is so different from the way we talk now that it might as well be a different language. I score in the 99th percentile on the reading comprehension section on standardized tests, and I can still stare at a page of "Macbeth" for half an hour and still have no clue what in the hell is going on. Reading Shakespeare is a lot like learning Latin - it might have been useful if you were born in a different century, but nowadays it's one of the most pointless thinks you do in school, which is saying a lot.
Tuesday, August 2, 2011
Top 10: Albums to Listen to While High
After a lengthy break, Average Teenage Banter is back, to the joy of millions of people across the world, bringing you the first installment in a series of weekly "Top 10" lists. This list shall countdown the top 10 albums that you absolutely have to listen to while stoned off your ass.
10. Fragile - Yes
As we all know, progressive rock is about 20 times better while under the influence of exotic herbals. So, it seemed only natural that prog rock legends Yes make this list. The first track, Roundabout, is awesome while down to earth but, with your head in the clouds, it is the most amazing thing ever written. The bass line at the beginning alone will keep you entertained for hours.
9. Brothers - The Black Keys
I know, I know, this isn't exactly what you'd expect to make this list. But think about it. I don't know about you, but one of the things I tend to do a lot while around marijuana is dance. And the bluesy grooves on this album beg you to get up and dance. So, if you want a dance party, instead of cranking party techno (nothing against techno), just hand everyone a bong and crank the blues rock.
8. Dare To Be Stupid - Weird Al
If you take any children's show or dumb comedy and watch it while high, it all of a sudden becomes funny. So, what happens if you take an album that is already funny and listen to it while stoned? It becomes side-splittingly hilarious. I opted to go with this instead of, say, Lonely Island, because this is a little more "stupid humor" as opposed to Lonely Island's SNL-style "intelligent humor". The intelligence circuitry in one's brain tends to not work as well when one is high of one's ass.
7. Bringing It All Back Home - Bob Dylan
Of all the things Bob Dylan is famous for, what I think of when I hear "Bob Dylan" is his nonsensical lyrics. Take for example this first lyrical stanza from Mr. Tambourine Man:
Hey ! Mr Tambourine Man, play a song for me
I'm not sleepy and there is no place I'm going to
Hey ! Mr Tambourine Man, play a song for me
In the jingle jangle morning I'll come followin' you.
Though I know that evenin's empire has returned into sand
Vanished from my hand
Left me blindly here to stand but still not sleeping
My weariness amazes me, I'm branded on my feet
I have no one to meet
And the ancient empty street's too dead for dreaming.
Normally upon hearing these lyrics I think "What in the hell is this guy talking about?" But when high, I'm generally wiping tears tears from my eyes, exclaming between sobs "It's so true!!!"
6. Back To The Noose - Swashbuckle
In order to fully appreciate this one, make sure you follow this link and watch this youtube video of Swashbuckle's hit single, Cruise Ship Terror:
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=53A4GyB96RI
I know, I know. It's hilarious. It's the epitome of laughable wannabe-Slipknot bands (still working out why anyone would want to be Slipknot; I'll get back to you on that). But now listen to it after a joint or too. I don't know about you, but I thought that I had just discovered a revolutionary new album that would change the very landscape of music, and was lamenting myself for not taking it seriously before. Heh, heh. Swashbuckle.
5. Congratulations - MGMT
This is the perfect album to listen too while you have just kind of a chill high. This album emanates just sitting back and relaxing. If you're stoned and just feel like chilling, listen Congratulations. You'll think that there will never be another problem in the world.
4. Exodus - Bob Marley in the Wailers
I really had to put a Bob Marley on this list. I'm not sure if you knows about this or not, but I have uncovered a very rare, unknown fact - Bob Marley smoked a lot of weed. Yeah, I know, shocking, right? Anyway, the track Three Little Birds is just that much better when you're a bit up in the sky. I guarantee that you will be bobbing your head back and forth with a weird smile frozen on your face by the end of it.
3. Sgt. Pepper's Lonely Hearts Club Band - The Beatles
Of all the innovations The Beatles made while they were together, I think one of the most important ones was the concept album. SPLHCB was really the first concept album, and remains to this day one of the best. And what is a concept album with out a little pot? Not only the lyrics, but the music as a whole will take on a whole new meaning.
2. Yoshimi Battles The Pink Robots - The Flaming Lips
My fellow Average Teenage Banter blogger recently informed me that Flaming Lips frontman Wayne Coyne has never been on drugs. I still can't say that I completely believe him. But if that is true, this guy is just a messed up person (in a good way, of course). If you're talented enough to think as absurd thoughts as Coyne did with out a little stimulation, go for it. But, for normal, not completely insane people, I think a little weed is needed to fully appreciate this album.
1. Dark Side Of The Moon - Pink Floyd
This really shouldn't be a surprise. I mean, it's Pink Floyd. Dark Side Of The Moon is already one of the greatest albums of all time. Listening to it while high may very well be the most amazing thing ever. Plus. the only thing better than watching somebody listen to the vocal solo on Great Gig In The Sky while stoned is listening to it while stoned yourself.
Well, there it is. I'll be back sometime next week with another Top 10 list. Until then, you shall be entertained with plenty of rants, reviews, theories, and observations with the experts here at Average Teenage Banter.
10. Fragile - Yes
As we all know, progressive rock is about 20 times better while under the influence of exotic herbals. So, it seemed only natural that prog rock legends Yes make this list. The first track, Roundabout, is awesome while down to earth but, with your head in the clouds, it is the most amazing thing ever written. The bass line at the beginning alone will keep you entertained for hours.
9. Brothers - The Black Keys
I know, I know, this isn't exactly what you'd expect to make this list. But think about it. I don't know about you, but one of the things I tend to do a lot while around marijuana is dance. And the bluesy grooves on this album beg you to get up and dance. So, if you want a dance party, instead of cranking party techno (nothing against techno), just hand everyone a bong and crank the blues rock.
8. Dare To Be Stupid - Weird Al
If you take any children's show or dumb comedy and watch it while high, it all of a sudden becomes funny. So, what happens if you take an album that is already funny and listen to it while stoned? It becomes side-splittingly hilarious. I opted to go with this instead of, say, Lonely Island, because this is a little more "stupid humor" as opposed to Lonely Island's SNL-style "intelligent humor". The intelligence circuitry in one's brain tends to not work as well when one is high of one's ass.
7. Bringing It All Back Home - Bob Dylan
Of all the things Bob Dylan is famous for, what I think of when I hear "Bob Dylan" is his nonsensical lyrics. Take for example this first lyrical stanza from Mr. Tambourine Man:
Hey ! Mr Tambourine Man, play a song for me
I'm not sleepy and there is no place I'm going to
Hey ! Mr Tambourine Man, play a song for me
In the jingle jangle morning I'll come followin' you.
Though I know that evenin's empire has returned into sand
Vanished from my hand
Left me blindly here to stand but still not sleeping
My weariness amazes me, I'm branded on my feet
I have no one to meet
And the ancient empty street's too dead for dreaming.
Normally upon hearing these lyrics I think "What in the hell is this guy talking about?" But when high, I'm generally wiping tears tears from my eyes, exclaming between sobs "It's so true!!!"
6. Back To The Noose - Swashbuckle
In order to fully appreciate this one, make sure you follow this link and watch this youtube video of Swashbuckle's hit single, Cruise Ship Terror:
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=53A4GyB96RI
I know, I know. It's hilarious. It's the epitome of laughable wannabe-Slipknot bands (still working out why anyone would want to be Slipknot; I'll get back to you on that). But now listen to it after a joint or too. I don't know about you, but I thought that I had just discovered a revolutionary new album that would change the very landscape of music, and was lamenting myself for not taking it seriously before. Heh, heh. Swashbuckle.
5. Congratulations - MGMT
This is the perfect album to listen too while you have just kind of a chill high. This album emanates just sitting back and relaxing. If you're stoned and just feel like chilling, listen Congratulations. You'll think that there will never be another problem in the world.
4. Exodus - Bob Marley in the Wailers
I really had to put a Bob Marley on this list. I'm not sure if you knows about this or not, but I have uncovered a very rare, unknown fact - Bob Marley smoked a lot of weed. Yeah, I know, shocking, right? Anyway, the track Three Little Birds is just that much better when you're a bit up in the sky. I guarantee that you will be bobbing your head back and forth with a weird smile frozen on your face by the end of it.
3. Sgt. Pepper's Lonely Hearts Club Band - The Beatles
Of all the innovations The Beatles made while they were together, I think one of the most important ones was the concept album. SPLHCB was really the first concept album, and remains to this day one of the best. And what is a concept album with out a little pot? Not only the lyrics, but the music as a whole will take on a whole new meaning.
2. Yoshimi Battles The Pink Robots - The Flaming Lips
My fellow Average Teenage Banter blogger recently informed me that Flaming Lips frontman Wayne Coyne has never been on drugs. I still can't say that I completely believe him. But if that is true, this guy is just a messed up person (in a good way, of course). If you're talented enough to think as absurd thoughts as Coyne did with out a little stimulation, go for it. But, for normal, not completely insane people, I think a little weed is needed to fully appreciate this album.
1. Dark Side Of The Moon - Pink Floyd
This really shouldn't be a surprise. I mean, it's Pink Floyd. Dark Side Of The Moon is already one of the greatest albums of all time. Listening to it while high may very well be the most amazing thing ever. Plus. the only thing better than watching somebody listen to the vocal solo on Great Gig In The Sky while stoned is listening to it while stoned yourself.
Well, there it is. I'll be back sometime next week with another Top 10 list. Until then, you shall be entertained with plenty of rants, reviews, theories, and observations with the experts here at Average Teenage Banter.
Monday, June 20, 2011
Obama Impersonator at GOP Conference
At the Republican Leadership Conference in New Orleans this weekend, Barack Obama Impersonator Reggie Brown took the podium for a few minutes to do a stand-up routine. He was eventually ushered offstage for inappropriate comments. A link to the highlights of the video is below:
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ZS5aPCAd8Ho&feature=player_detailpage
Although you may have mixed feelings about the appropriateness of the time and place to make these jokes, this is a hilarious video. I wish they would have shown Mitt Romney's reaction in the video, but I digress. If this would have been on Comedy Central it would have been perfect. But I will admit that the racial jokes and the crack at Romney's religion were a bit out of place at a Leadership Conference like this. However, I agree with him on the fact that Tim Pawlenty is a spineless wuss. And I'll give him props for the Samford & Sons comparison - that was pretty good. Anyway, whatever your political views are, this video is pretty funny. For me, the fact that this is in a room mostly full of ultra-conservatives makes those last few jokes all the funnier.
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ZS5aPCAd8Ho&feature=player_detailpage
Although you may have mixed feelings about the appropriateness of the time and place to make these jokes, this is a hilarious video. I wish they would have shown Mitt Romney's reaction in the video, but I digress. If this would have been on Comedy Central it would have been perfect. But I will admit that the racial jokes and the crack at Romney's religion were a bit out of place at a Leadership Conference like this. However, I agree with him on the fact that Tim Pawlenty is a spineless wuss. And I'll give him props for the Samford & Sons comparison - that was pretty good. Anyway, whatever your political views are, this video is pretty funny. For me, the fact that this is in a room mostly full of ultra-conservatives makes those last few jokes all the funnier.
Remembering Ryan Dunn
I would like to devote this blog post to the memory of Ryan Dunn, one of the stars of the hit TV show Jackass. Dunn died in an automobile crash earlier today. He crashed his Porsche 911 GT3 while going 110 miles an hour. Because he was going so fast, the car exploded and the only way they could identify the body was his tattoos. Oh, and 3 hours earlier he tweeted this picture:
Now, I'm not usually one to jump to conclusions, but I'm going to say he was drunk. Driving a sports car at 110 miles an hour down a public street with a friend in the passenger's seat is not something that a sober man would do, even one as badass as Dunn. Now, I don't mean to make light of this situation: drunk driving is a terrible thing - it was bad judgement on Dunn's part and it's sad that it took the life of his friend as well. But, that is an EPIC way to die. If I were to make a list of the Top 10 Ways To Die, this would certainly be on there.
Ryan Dunn will be dearly missed. As we all know, Jackass is one of the greatest educational shows on television - it has given us many deep metaphors, thoughtful philosophies, and intellectual content over the years. Plus, it has set a great role model for the children of America. As sad as this incident is, I guess Ryan Dunn went out the way a star of Jackass should - with a sports car and a giant explosion.
Ryan Dunn will be dearly missed. As we all know, Jackass is one of the greatest educational shows on television - it has given us many deep metaphors, thoughtful philosophies, and intellectual content over the years. Plus, it has set a great role model for the children of America. As sad as this incident is, I guess Ryan Dunn went out the way a star of Jackass should - with a sports car and a giant explosion.
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